Body Image In Korea

Growing up surrounded by singers, it was inevitable that my career would also head in that direction. Over the years, I have seen how amazing the showbiz lifestyle is, but I've also witnessed all of the hardships that go hand in hand with it.

One of the main focuses in K-Pop is image. I've read too many articles where journalists have nothing better to do than to critising a singer for putting on a pound or for eating something other than a lettuce leaf. It wasn't too long ago where Wonder Girls were snapped on stage in America, with the words 'Chubby Girls' captioned underneath the photograph, despite the girls looking beautifully healthy. Not only did the article stick in my mind because of how shocked I was at the comments by the editor and their so called fans, but by how the article affected my best friend.

Before I delve further into the subject, I feel that it is important that I mention why a guy who hasn't had any weight issues is writing about such a sensitive topic. Well, one of the reasons is I've seen first hand of how celebrities are pressured to feel the need to look a certain way and are ripped to shreds over a tiny 'flaw'. I've witnessed people being rejected from auditions for the way they look or for not 'fitting the mold'. But the main reason I'm writing this article is because I've seen how their comments and remarks can affect other people, not only in the media but their fans too. My best friend in particular whose story I feel compelled to tell to show the importance of why wanting to look like a Korean celebrity is very unhealthy and unrealistic.

I've known my best friend for almost 19 years. We grew up together and we've been through everything - including being rejected by Korean entertainment companies and being criticized for our appearances. Even though she was born in Korea, she has never felt as if she fit in. She has blue eyes, brown hair and white skin, meaning that Koreans would often mistake her for a tourist and be amazed when she would speak fluently in Korean, even though unbeknownst to them, it was her first language. From as long as I can remember, she always felt like an outsider, and it was me who persuaded her to go for her dream and audition at a very famous Korean entertainment company. Despite all of her insecurities, she gained a third place in a girl group and this is where I noticed some worrying changes.

The two other members of the girl group were Korean born with Korean parents. Stereo-typically short and slim with dark hair and eyes. It was no wonder that my friend didn't feel like she belonged alongside them. She was a UK size 8, yet she would constantly moan about being a 'giant' compared to them as she poked her flat tummy.

It's no secret that training is very hard work, you often hear of idols fainting or being hospitalized due to exhaustion and being over worked and it was the same for the girl group in training. They would train everyday, having little time to eat, which worryingly resulted in my friend collapsing on a weekly basis. Eventually she became too ill to debut with them and the members went their separate ways. This was 5 years ago and since then, very little has changed.

It was only last year that trio singers 'Piggy Dolls' made their very controversial debut into KPOP. I'd read more than one article about their weight before I'd even heard a note of their music. I watched for myself the disgusting comments and watched their debut music video 'Trend'. It featured a fake news report with a student claiming she was being bullied for being overweight (even though she was slim) and had contemplated suicide. They seemed to be taking it light-heartily, as the first shot of the girls was of them sat watching the news reports and eating pizza. Their name 'Piggy Dolls' itself suggest they aren't to be taken seriously.

The vocals of the girl were mind blowing yet all the comments displayed below the music video were directed at them being 'over weight' even though they were perfectly healthy. I was intrigued by this new girl group and manged to work with them on their first full length album.

When I first met them I was amazed at their new look. All three members had dropped at least 2 dress sizes - whether it was due to an over working schedule or the fact they were told to lose weight, I don't know and I wasn't about to ask them. What I did know for sure was that were all stunning just as they were before they lost weight. It baffled me and still does at to why the way the singer looks is more important than how they sound. After all, Hyunah isn't exactly the greatest singer in the world but apparently she has the 'perfect' body, which is why she is so popular.

In my mind, it should be all about the singing and if someone looks great, than that's just a bonus. One of my favourite bands is Big Mama - again, a band whose name is taking the mick out of their own appearance.

The facts don't lie, it is sadly proven that what classes as 'better looking' groups and singers are more popular than artist who are wrongly classed as 'big' or 'ugly.' It's just the same with male artists, it is becoming more and more common to see guys flaunting their very muscly bodies but with worryingly tiny waists. It is known that Korean's are naturally slim and smaller than western people, but there must be a time where being that thin is too thin.

I want to know your opinion on the subject. Does an artists appearance make you want to listen to them more?

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How To Find Peace With Your Body Image

You can find peace with your body image even though nothing has changed physically in your body. Through my own recovery experience and from hundreds of conversations with clients, I have learned that integrity is the secret to happiness. Integrity means that your words and actions are in alignment. Integrity is the secret to feeling peaceful and content in your body; in your relationships; in your career; etc.

Doing what you say you will do, not just for others, but most importantly, for yourself. If you feel controlled by food and loathe your body, you do not have integrity with yourself. You take pride in caring for others and honouring your commitments outwardly at all costs.

We're so afraid of the potential of losing someone's approval and respect that we'll do anything, even, compromise our own basic-needs for self- respect, rest or consideration.

Yes, from the outside we appear to be these amazing people who have it all together. We are super beings who can do it all. From the inside however we feel totally fraudulent, a complete sham. This creates anxiety and when we feel anxious, we beat up on our bodies by overeating, restricting, binging, or purging. This is not very helpful and certainly not a way of feeling integrity within you.

We believe we will finally be able to feel safe and secure in the world if we have the approval of others. However, needing the approval of others, only reinforces our chronic insecurity. If you are giving someone else the power to decide whether you are worthy and acceptable, you are at their mercy. You had better hope that they truly want and know what's best for you even if that means that they don't always get what they want.

We have to be able to authentically validate and accept ourselves. We have to have a solid sense of ourselves as competent, capable, worthwhile, special and deserving of dignity and respect. If you do not believe that about yourself, then you will not be able to trust that are entitled to that from others.

So, what does this all have to do with body image? Well, back to integrity, when your words and actions are in alignment you are at peace.

Witnessing yourself following through on commitment to yourself means that you say to yourself: "I'm going to exercise three times this week and slowly reduce the amount of processed and refined carbs I have in my diet each day."

In this way you will immediately begin to experience an inner silence, peace and develop a strong sense of trust in yourself. You will be someone who will put their needs first; someone who will not put themselves in situations where they feel disrespected or compromised.

Take a few minutes now and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Where in my role as a friend do I say one thing and do another - even in my own mind?

2. What about my role as a parent? Employee? Volunteer? Partner?

3. What about in my role in my relationship with myself? Where here do I say one thing and do another? Even in such small ways as saying you'll do the dishes and then leaving them in the sink overnight?

4. What could I do in each of these areas of my life to have a stronger sense of integrity; of trust in myself to do what I say and say what I do?

5. What might prevent me from taking action on these things?

Once you have stood back and looked at what is triggering your anxiety, you will be able to start planning on stabilizing your integrity.

When you are able to do this, you will feel far less anxious overall and your judgments about your body will practically cease and.....here's the best part... your need to use food to cope by overeating, binging, purging, or restricting will stop.

CEDDRICCentre blog For over 15 years, personal change-agent Michelle Morand has been helping people of all ages and all walks of life stop using food to cope. A recovered compulsive eater, her personal story, and her professional caring and gentle approach, continually inspires those who struggle with eating disorders.

Through her company, The CEDRIC Centre for Counselling, inc., she provides face-to-face, email, and telephone coaching to people around the globe. Products include a variety of downloadable audio and video selections, print and downloadable workbooks, live workshops and a web-based group counselling program.

Author of Food is not the Problem: Deal With What Is! Michelle is a skilled educator and lecturer and frequently appears at live health shows, on radio and TV, and in print media.

Visit The CEDRIC Centre website and sign up for the free newsletter at http://www.cedriccentre.com/

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